I saw her vanish. I went to the place where my eyes last followed her, her steps - slippers she wore with red mehndi-smoothened feet, and silver trinklets on ankles.

I saw her little distance away on little stairs away fro me, I was coming slowly, after relishing a good meal - she was slightly smilling, in a way nobody does but when I looked at her eyes she was looking behind me - I couldn’t move my eyes, at her face, her mouth, to her red saree the art design on it..and then she came towards me and went past. I turned and eyes followed her feet - that was when I saw her red feet glinting in low afternoon light.

She kept looking back very fluidly and teasingly, not having an eye contact with me, prancing across the porch, but repeating her sighting every few seconds; I was by then smilling a little more explicitly…and then she reached the road where the porch ended and suddenly she was nowhere to be seen. I immediately followed her path, and strode to the place where my eyes had last followed her. But she was not there, not to the sides and no was a little busy road, but how could one disappear that instantly I don’t understand.

I kept looking for her, finally returning saddened. Only a vision of her smilling slightly fixed on my mind. And that was comforting and paining.

And why is mr. hitchcock connected with something as vanishing lady? Or maybe he’s not, but then my mind remembered his name then..I guess it conjured scenes from his work [Vertigo](, and why did I have his thought minutes after I came back saddened?

I went upto the stairs to the station; looking at other women. Finding some beauty there, openly asking to no one - “Where is the factory for them? I want the factory, I want to visit it, Where is the bloody factory?”

While in train, I played a song1 on a loop and every image thus conjured, and everywhere my imagination could run - of an angel, a devi, a lady swimming in the river, a date I was having under the slipper shed of a woman in front of me, the shining green grasses I passed by, every pain in my body, every longing in heart, every design I saw in sky - she was all over there..

I cribbed and requested her to come back, when I reached home. I had voice as a baby. Obviously it’s an obsession. But when I was pleading her, no. asking her to come to me, in my voice she spoke -I will, when you’re ready for it.

And I offered her nariyal paani I was drinking, and she took it by my straw.

  1. Listen to it, not concerning about language or even understanding it. Music goes way beyond, just in case. 

I lie there again watching sun..and trying to stop smilling

..In, I am god..I am happy.

it’s finished, it’s a start. I am at the forefront..walking, just walking, straight, and with little pride..little.

I don’t know when it started..or maybe I don’t want to remember..maybe it’s just the moment, I want to stay here - in the present.

I am swinging. I am shivering. I am breathing heavily. I am on the verge of ecstacy..or maybe I never recovered out of it.

It’s not easy to remain in prolonged periods of ecstacy you know, it isn’t, no. It’s like continous orgasm. It’s pleasurable but you have to find multi-dimensions to it - else it kills you, a glorious death.

Now is one of those moments - I have recovered from depression, a short one and now I am out there, again.

I have so much beauty, so much beauty, so many tinkles, so many … unfathomable, unreachable, inconquerable..inside me. You get it? no, you don’t. I have light within me - a constant know it partially - you know I am a bastard.

But you hardly know just the tip of the iceberg, iceberg is me.

Our behavioural science teacher told us that, Sigmund Freud - who was a neurologist and many other things, said that - the conscious self, or the (visible) personality of a man is just the tip of iceberg of his total constituents..

And so.

If you see the photographs I do..Know that - I have million more photographs in my store to be shared, to be edited..

if you read my writtings, you may know that I have more than a million latent, or explicit ideas stored somewhere..

If you watch my vines, I feel I have not even started making vines..I know what number have been made - but I am going unrestricted, I will cross everything..

it might sound pretentious, but it is not; I have went into depression thinking it was all false..that I didn’t have even a speck to kiss me - but I rather landed hard on the cold floor suddenly turning warm then glowing - and I was kicked by angels - asking me to see what I had done, to see what was to be done..

there I learned the infinity existing inside

embrace my is infinite, it can do anything. Anything.

take it please, I don’t want to throw it into the river as unused by none.

In ecstacy, you open your eyes wide, you fall into a Great smile - sometimes inside, you feel a lot, a lot, a lot of happiness - a power surging slowly, hurting you; and it’s hard to take all this especially when it’s continous - but it’s worth it.

I can’t even begin to tell you how much I have seen, how much! - often, I have wanted to capture all that was around me, ALLLL - from the countless buildings, to the young and old people, to the trees passing me, to the wind flowing, to the soil under my feet, to the dust on my face, to my dishevelled hair, to my penis - so that for once, for once, you may see and experience what i was did..for once.

But I can’t, I can’t ever capture all around me - sometimes camera doesn’t permit it; or I don’t; or you won’t - not that you intentionally detest it or such, but you just don’t - you see a tree as a structure of leaves, and few twigs, and when asked what it’s color is - you hesitantly and irritatingly reply, ‘green’ - but I see it the trunk of it as a man wearing the most beautiful head gear - a head gear having a glow in form of green - a glinting one, slighlty ruffling green - standing in pride! and this brings joy.

It seems to me, it seems that the ones close to me - kind of, my inner circle - those people experience some kind of pleasure in me, in my work, some kind of..

because they embrace it. They don’t imitate me or my work; they don’t want to know how I came to the place I am presently at; they don’t even care I exist - they just know it, they just feel it.

Feel my work..

One way of ensuring it will be to start doing your own work. I encourage you. Don’t think just because I don’t know you, thus I don’t care about you. You don’t know my reach - I am in many ways ESP.

Start doing some true art. Anything. Photograaph - don’t give a damn to cam - it never matters as much as ‘your’ truthfulness at capturing beauty. Open your eyes, even the dust looks beautiful then, and most beautiful, most beautiful thing ever.

You have happy moments. Any moments. Sad moments. Tragedies. Secret desires. Write them - never care about wheather someone may like it or not; you writting with truthful passion will make the text magical. Write, tell the world. Shout and post on the internet. Post it on your blog, make one!

You forget things, if you have no one to tell them to.1 So tell the world.

Take photos. Make or start painting, sketching, dancing, going to movies, roaming in streets, anything.

Good or bad quality of any of those doesn’t matter. Really. It just doesn’t. Your commitment to it does; truthfulness does - rest all is noise. All.

I need your art. In art, you see, Oversupply is never enough. The world need good art, you need it. If you haven’t realized it as yet, there is time - go, do that thing which you wanted to start but couldn’t, due to whatever. That thing, which you thought you would like doing - but feared to fail in it; but feared to tell it someone, even to yourself.

Do it. Arrange. Start in a small way.

It is one big, BIG way to embrace me, to embrace my beauty..and nothing is more neccessary now. Nothing. Hunger gets satisfied somehow; contentment doesn’t, that easily. And source of which is art.

dance with me, no?


Song: All of Nue


  1. It’s a truth that is stated as a dialogue in the great indian film The Lunchbox

Clockwork To Chaos: an online workshop (19 July-19 Oct 2014)



This manuscript page from 1665 shows a 23-year old Isaac Newton calculating the area under a hyperbola ( the curve drawn on the top left of the page).

He calculates no less than 55 decimal places, meticulously adding values from each term of an infinite series. The series emerges naturally when the space under this curve is cut up into an infinite number of thin rectangular strips, and their areas are added up. Because Newton does not have a mechanical computer, his entire thought process (known by the archaic term quadrature) is completely visible on paper. 

One can imagine sitting on the shoulders of Sir Isaac Newton as he invented the symbolic machinery needed to describe his system of the universe. In the next 3 months we will try to experience exactly that, by studying Newton’s original masterworks, including the Method of Fluxions and his magnum opus the Principia.

What is there in thee, Man - that can be known? —
Dark fluxion, all unfixable by thought,
A phantom dim of past and future wrought

Newton’s own name for the full-blown architecture of calculus was the fluxions, a word that would feature almost a hundred years later in the poem above by Samuel T. Coleridge. 

Calculus is a language of movement and change, and underneath its facade lies the vast scaffold of infinite sums such as the one created by Newton. However, the historical origin of these ideas lies thousands of years ago in ancient Greece. 

The first infinite series were discovered in ancient Greece with Zeno’s paradox and Archimedes’ calculation of the area under a parabola. This proto-science lay largely dormant for centuries, with some important breakthroughs made by Nicole Oresme in 14th century France and his contemporary Madhava in India, for purposes of astronomy.

From Clockwork To Chaos

When Kepler began constructing his theory of orbital motion, and his Platonic vision of a universe in harmony - areas of shapes were indeed thought of as a sum of infinite lines. Volumes were similarly imagined as a collection of infinite discs. Naturally then, the summation of infinite series was always one of the most important and time-consuming tasks of any Renaissance mathematicus.

Here is a page from Bonaventura Cavalieri's Geometria indivisibilibus continuorum nova quadam ratione promota (Geometry, developed by a new method through the indivisibles of the continua, 1635): 

Cavalieri ms diagram 1653

After Isaac Newton described the laws of gravity ( not before having infinite series and fluxions firmly in his grasp ) the prevailing view of the universe was described famously by Pierre Simone, Marquis de Laplace in these famous words: 

We may regard the present state of the universe as the effect of its past and the cause of its future. An intellect which at a certain moment would know all forces that set nature in motion, and all positions of all items of which nature is composed, if this intellect were also vast enough to submit these data to analysis, it would embrace in a single formula the movements of the greatest bodies of the universe and those of the tiniest atom; for such an intellect nothing would be uncertain and the future just like the past would be present before its eyes.

However, Laplace was to be proved wrong…..the problems of celestial mechanics did not yield so easily to the laws of Newton. Neither were the orbits of the moon, the planets and their gravitational effects on each other so predictable as to be some kind of clockwork

The solution to the motion of a two-body system, by Newton and his eighteenth century mathematical successors, is one of the triumphs of Newtonian mechanics.

In our own solar system, which has many more than two bodies, things are much more complicated.  The planets follow orbits that are almost, but not exactly, ellipses, the discrepancy being due to the fact that each planet has its own gravitational field, which influences – or perturbs – the motion of all the others. Consequently, the planets’ orbits are not exactly periodic: they return to a slightly different position, and their time of revolution about the sun varies slightly, from year to year. 

They needed a better mathematics to describe the perturbed mess that was our solar system. Passing through the deft hands of mathematicians like Barrow, Wallis, Gregory, Newton, Leibniz, Gauss, Euler, Laplace, d’Alembert, Clairaut & Lagrange….infinite series became one of the formidable weapons of mathematical physics.

After burying the all-knowing demon god of Laplace, these new methods yielded a completely new vision of the cosmos - the radical theme of which was a beautiful chaos. The damning shock of this new vision came from Henri Poincaré, who explained it thus: 

….imagine a small asteroid, moving back and forth between two larger bodies - call them planets A and B.  Given the right conditions, it is possible for the asteroid to alternate between the two planets, spending some of its time revolving around A, and some revolving around B, like a bee flitting back and forth between two flowers.  If we track which planet the asteroid goes around at each revolution, we will get a sequence of A’s and B’s which can look statistically like a sequence of random coin tosses.

The workshop will take the participants through this short journey from clockwork to chaos in the most interesting way possible. Throughout this period, we will be looking at original sources and manuscripts from history wherever accessible. 

Who can Join? Absolutely anyone. This course is for self-taught hobbyists, not for experts; and it is designed to require absolutely no prior knowledge of history, science or mathematics. Here is some feedback (on Twitter) from attendees of the most recent workshops. Apart from the existing members ( 66 from 13 countries ) we hope to enroll at least 75-80 new participants worldwide in this round. 

How does it work? The workshop will be conducted via the online ZetaTrek mailing list, which has been active for almost 3 years now. Participants will be guided through interactive modules according to a syllabus (always being updated). The duration of the workshop is roughly 3 months, extending from 19 July-19 October, 2014. The expected commitment is roughly 2-5 hours per week, depending on your enthusiasm.

This workshop is also the final 3 months (or, second semester) of The Age of Re:discovery online workshop. Our first semester was wide-ranging and diverse in ideas, cultures and images. In this second semester, we would like us to keep a sharp focus on Newton’s corpus of ideas and keep miscellany on the sidelines.  

For existing members of the Zetatrek expedition, this phase intends to bring a familiarity with the historical development of calculus, geometry and more importantly infinite series. We could then study Euler’s work on the zeta function ( because that too is an infinite series ) and thus by the end of October 2014, we can finally segue back into the original goal of Zetatrek - the Riemann Hypothesis.

Registrations: This is an independent platform without any institutional funding. Participants are expected to contribute a fee of $250 (approx. Rs. 15000) for the entire duration. All new participants will get access to our 3 year archives and a lifetime membership of the Zetatrek expedition. All future workshops will thus be free. 

You can pay using our online ticketing facility DoAttend, or Paypal ( the linked Gmail ID is “fadebox” ). Please contact me at the address above for any further queries or assistance.

Scholarships & Gifts: Since the fee may be too much for some people, we always create some free scholarships. This time, for every 10 people who register with the fee, we will offer one free scholarship. So if 200 people register, 20 others will be awarded a free seat. The details of applying will be announced later. You are also welcome to sponsor a scholarship for a friend, or send one as a gift. 

Convenor: Rohit Gupta (38, M) is an autodidact interested in the history of science and mathematics. In particular, interdisciplinary interactions such as between astronomy and geometry; or colonial science and its Oriental reception. Some of the previous workshops are listed here, along with a recent interview. His older projects have been featured at Wired and the BBC. Gupta also writes the blog Compasswallah, and tweets as @fadesingh. A complete CV is available on request.

Related Links: 

  1. The Zetatrekker’s Guide To The Galaxy, online documentation of the project is constantly updated, by Rohit Gupta & Ajinkya Kulkarni
  2. The secret writings of Isaac Newton, by Sarah Dry…author of The Newton Papers. 
  3. A video lecture on the historical development of infinite series by N.J. Wildberger. The whole series is worth watching. 
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Prime numbers, Magic cicadas and Mexican bus drivers


"Prime Vérité" is a short film about the ZetaTrek expedition (est. 2011) where science and math hobbyists all over the world are trying to solve the Riemann Hypothesis. This video discusses some of the current research around this problem. 

The film features the project founder Rohit Gupta ( @fadesingh on twitter) and was directed by Aiman Ali of Asylum Films. The production crew consisted of Vidya Muralidharan, Surbhit Saxena, Divya Sharma, Nikita Mhatre, Ram (sound) and Amit Kumar Manikpuri.

A lot of the stuff I spoke about did not make the cut, and what did might require further explanation. So here it is.  


The film essentially explores connections between prime numbers and physical reality. Because the primes are indivisible, they are like building blocks or atoms. But this metaphor is taken much further…

After starting off with the famous meeting between Dyson & Montgomery at Princeton,  I mention the occurrence of prime numbers in the biological world. And this has been known for some time in the context of periodical cicadas

So how do the cicadas know how to calculate prime numbers? They don’t. They’re cicadas. The pattern probably emerged as a result of Darwinian natural selection: cicadas that naturally matured in easily divisible years were gobbled up by predators, and simply didn’t live long enough to produce as many offspring. Those who, by chance, had long, prime-numbered life spans fared best, survived longest, and left the most offspring, becoming the dominant variation of the species. (There are now at least fifteen distinct populations of periodical cicadas.) As things stand now, cicada emergences are so tightly timed, with the bulk of the insects emerging within a span of a few weeks, that any cicada that tries to break the pattern is simply taking her offspring’s life into her own hands.

And then I go on to mention the departure patterns of Mexican bus drivers. This is a more recent idea and the whole article is worth reading. 

The men handed over their used papers. When the researchers plotted thousands of bus departure times on a computer, their suspicions were confirmed: The interaction between drivers caused the spacing between departures to exhibit a distinctive pattern previously observed in quantum physics experiments.

Towards the end I talk about an atom bouncing around for infinity inside a circle, which is essentially an allusion to the circular billiards model. I also briefly talk about the prime numbers as a gas, or the “primon gas" system. So now, you have to think of a box of gas as a 3-dimensional billiards table with a very large number of particles. From prime numbers as atoms, we have arrived at the idea that an infinity of such numbers could behave like a gas. 

This stuff is a little hard to grasp unless you’re familiar with statistical mechanics, but here is the source of this idea.

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Carrying on doing, in manhattan

I sit at 3. Staring at this white screen - writting on this new app. Watched Manhattan, ‘79 flick a few tens minute back.

It’s about people taking life in a way; in a particular way, yet each different from other; each with their own struggles - some have self induced ones. Others just try to go with the flow - make mistakes, learn, and run againn - like the wind’s gotta blow, it gotta - however way; that it must ruffle past the hair, with the clothes flowing back - hands by our sides, looking straight ahead - and ready to do, do anything - pull in a jump, dig in a cave, rest in chaos, dance in rain, cry in market, wash in dark -only in the sound of rubbing of our fingers on our buttocks, and then there is light, a slight glow from a little far away..and we stand, naked..sound of our pants getting snaked on the dry ground, and as I look, he too is naked in the glow. Behind him, just besidely behind, was also this girl in naked, smilling at me her eyes going down, staying, and then moving back to my face and I stood spellbound and she walked up to me, and whispered, ‘kiss me’.


Made With Paper

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Fundamental Malevolence


Human beings are fundamentally evil. This was a theory concerning human nature put forward by Xunzi - a leading Chinese Confucian philosopher, along with Confucius and Mencius. Xunzi stated that human beings naturally seek out only their own interests and greed, envying and hating each other so much that they are bound to fight if left alone. He suggested that people needed to learn etiquette and culture themselves to correct this.

Xunzi’s philosophies are on a background of the chaotic setting of the Warring States Period. The Warring States Period was a period when China was split into many different countries, all warring with each other to gain dominance over each other’s lands. During these wars, Xunzi saw countless cases of people looting and killing each other, which led him to the conclusion that people are naturally selfish beings. He believed that human beings focus on their greed and self-preservation from the moment of birth. He also believed that leaving people without order would indubitably lead to social chaos. Thus, to effectively rule over the people, a leader must place limits such as laws, ethics, etiquette and culture.

From an evolutionary point of view, the theory of fundamental malevolence (성악설, sung ak sul) makes sense. Would a starving lion mourn the death of a baby zebra? Protecting one’s own interests is a great way to increase your chance of survival and propagating your genes. 

The more you carefully observe people’s behaviour, the more credibility the theory seems to gain. Human beings are selfish beings who become jealous of others for having more than themselves, kill someone because they tried to take away their love and engage in fratricidal war because others do not share their beliefs. You as the reader may state that you cannot imagine hurting anyone, let alone taking a life. In that case, let us examine the following thought experiment.

One day, you are kidnapped. When you come about, you find that you are trapped in a pitch-black room, tied to a pole. The room appears to be completely empty and you cannot see or hear anything. Suddenly, you hear a voice coming from the other side of the room. The voice talks about how it will murder you in a violent, excruciating way, over and over. The voice continues to threaten you in a macabre way for three days. Just when you are near your breaking point from the overwhelming fear of imminent death, another voice appears. The voice says: “If you nominate someone you are close to that I can kill in your stead, I will let you go and not harm you in any way”. Would you have the courage to not give a name?



My all experience says, that, no, men are fundamentally good. I have observed myself, my worst enemies. my friends; in none - could I find a fundamental fault. Yes, some might, might have gone astray, but fundamentally men or for that matter - all living beings, all yes, all of them are by nature good.

For fun; do watch the recent flick: X-Men days of the future past. It is something. :)

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Cognitive Dissonance


When two conflicting ideas exist at the same time in the human mind, it causes uneasiness and discomfort. Human beings instinctively tried to reduce the dissonance, most easily achieved by adaptation and blaming. For example, when a person wants something strongly but cannot attain it, they choose to believe that they do not want it any longer, discarding one idea to dissolve the dissonance.

A famous portrayal of this condition is Aesop’s fable The Fox and the Grapes, which goes as following:

A fox sees a grape on a tree and wants to eat it. However, the grape is too high up, so the fox says “That grape is surely sour.” and turns away.

This fable shows the classic pattern of: Wants something -> finds it unattainable
-> criticises it to reduce their want, and ultimately the dissonance caused by it.

This effect is quite powerful and explains many of mankind’s unique behaviours. As stated above, people try to reduce the dissonance by justification, denial and even blaming a third party to ease their mind.
Interestingly, the act of “justification” is brought on by another human feature: arrogance. Most people consider themselves intelligent and always making the right decisions, ergo when they make a mistake it conflicts with their self-image. Instead of accepting that they made a mistake (thus altering their image), they instead believe that they intended that action. This belief is so strong that they do not even know the justification happened subconsciously.

For example, there is a phenomenon called buyer’s remorse, where a buyer finds a flaw or a better product after buying something, feeling remorse (which is due to the discomfort caused by cognitive dissonance). Instead of blaming themselves, people will justify their reasons for buying that product, and paradoxically value that item even more. This shows how cognitive dissonance can be seen everywhere in everyday life.

In short, people cannot accept paradoxes, believe they always make the right decisions, and twist reality and make excuses when it does not fit what they desire. People are fascinating.

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insaan jaag utha / Oh! the man finally awoke!

(Source: dhrupad)

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Songs From The Indian Underground

fantastic songs from my country! / please give them a shot.



Made With Paper




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